Snape's Office. Severus raised a shaking hand, with a glass of whiskey in it, to his mouth and drank the contents in one, "Oh god, why couldn't they have stayed away? My brothers are coming to visit." He paused in his monologue. "Talking to yourself is not a good sign, Severus, BUT if Alan calls me Sevvie, one more time, I swear I will test a new quick acting poison on him. Poncey git, just coz he's successful, bet he'll try to rub it in..." He picked up the now empty bottle and threw it at the wall but missed, just as the door opened, and Draco Malfoy poked his head in, but quickly withdrew it, as the bottle flew over his head, "Shit. Come back here Mr Malfoy. What do you want?"
"Are you drunk?" Draco asked
"Hell no." Severus said, slurring slightly, "What do you want?"
"You have a class waiting for you and Potter threatened to cut my heart out with a spoon." Draco paused, "Aren't you going to ask me why a spoon?"
"No because I already know the answer. It's because it's dull, it'll hurt more." Snape laughed. "Alan Rickman says that quote and he's..."Severus broke off suddenly and he stood up, and walked to the door. He turned back to Draco, "You coming?"
"Yeah." Draco slinked behind him. "What did Potter do to you anyway? What did you think of Granger's dream?"
"If she wants to dream of my....Alan Rickman then that is up to her. Enough of Alan Rickman, I am sick of hearing about him." He entered the classroom. "Anyone who says anything about Alan Rickman will be punished......"
"Why though Professor?" Harry asked.
"Never you mind Potter. Get back to dreaming about cheerleaders." Snape replied, making Harry blush.
'Is it just me or did Snape just sound really jealous of an ACTOR? Hmmmm, must tell Hermione. Trust him to remind me of my dream.' "Now who shall we have next? Mr Weasley?"
Ron took a sip, then downed the lot.
(A girl's bedroom, Draco and Ron are talking, quite civilly, whilst wearing girls' outfits and long wigs. Draco's wig was blonde, whilst Ron's was red. Ron is sitting down on the bed while Draco is pacing about. Harry comes in also wearing a dress and long black wig.)
Harry: Didya get the tape?
Draco: The tape?
Draco: Ohh the tape. Let me tell you about the tape, Harry, somewhere between the ribs and Rohypnol, I had the tape, but what happened , you fucked me over, Harry, and now the tape is in a blue crate on it's way to the boat.
Harry: So you didn't get the tape?
Draco: Where were you last night, Harry?(Harry mumbles something) What happened to the wingman? (Draco pokes Harry in the chest) You were with HER. You left me hanging in the wind.
Ron: Oh is that what they're calling it now?
Draco: Shut up Ron.(Ron starts crying) You betrayed me to be with a DOG?
Harry: You're calling her a dog?
Draco: Dog, dog, dog.
Harry: Have you looked in the mirror lately? I'm can't believe Colin asked you out. You're the joke of the whole house. You're not half the woman she is.
Draco: You take that back.
Draco: Take it back.
Ron: I want to Stop the fighting. I want us all to be friends.
Draco: You tell this bitch that a friend would've had his back last night
Harry: Looks like Colin got there first.
(Harry walks away out on to the landing. Draco tackles Harry and bites his leg. Harry screams in pain. Draco pins Harry against the banister by the neck. The real girls come out of their rooms to watch.
Draco: You and your new girlfriend couldn't care less what happens to me. I waited all night for you.
Ginny: Oh lovers' quarrel.
(Harry kicks Draco in the Stomach and Draco falls over a sofa. Draco picks up some tampax and throws them at Harry's head)
Harry: You throw like a girl.
(Draco throws a hairbrush which hits Harry in the forehead, and then sprinkles talcum power on Harry, Causing Harry to fall over the banister and land in a heap.)
Ginny(cringing in sympathy): Ow that hurt.
Harry: That all you got?
Draco(hysterically): You're gonna pay.
Draco runs down the stairs. Harry rolls over and grabs 2 vibrators and holds them in his hands like swords.)
Harry: You want to play? Lets play.
Draco: That's supposed to scare me?
(Harry uses the vibrator to knock the head off a statue)
Ginny: Della catch.
Ginny throws Draco a vibrator. What follows here is best described as Robin Hood with vibrators.)
Ron: Girls, Stop it.
Draco(has harry pinned to the bottom of the stairs and forces a vibrator into his mouth.): Eat it.
(Harry kicks Draco in the stomach. Draco knocks the vibrator out of Harry's hands)
Harry(stand up and holds his hands out, pleadingly): Easy now, easy.
(Harry runs towards the front door. Draco throws the vibrator at Harry's head and knocks him flying. The girls gasp and Draco storms out towards Harry.)
**End Ron's Dream**