phoenix ashes
dreams, dormious projectionous potion and red leather (chapter 8)

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Sirius shook his head as the potion wore off,'Well at least that was
an INTERESTING dream.' he thought to himself.

Hermione broke the silence this time,"You said you didn't know who
Alan Rickman was,you lied, you've seen Dogma...Why did you lie?" She
wailed, clutching her robes around her, dramatically.

"Okay, I've seen Dogma, SO? I didn't realise that you were crushing
on the same Alan Rickman that happens to...." Sirius broke off as he
realised something.He looked at Severus, who was looking at him with
a neutral expression on his face."Snape? Anything you want to tell
me?"He muttered, quietly.

"Like what? What could I possibly want to discuss with you?" Severus
snarled.

Sirius grabbed Severus' robes and threatened to throw him into the
potions' shelf, that was situated behind Severus' desk, until
Hermione stepped in between them."Please you two. you are REALLY
setting a fine example to the students.If I see any more testorone
poisoning I'll be sending you both to the hospital wing in
matchboxes."

"Okay, mum, I'll be good..."muttered Sirius,"Gods, she sounds just
like Molly..."

"Or Buffy...."Severus muttered,"Although does that mean I'm Angel or
Riley?"

"Neither..Honestly.Sirius, what did you mean, So if I shag you, I
won't get into trouble?"

"Great, now they're quoting Buffy,"Harry muttered.

Severus raised his eyebrows,"Yes please tell."

"It was a dream for gods sake."

"Looks like Black here also has a crush on Alan Rickman, Miss
Granger."

"It was you, in case you didn't notice."

"You have a crush on me?"

"Humph, you wish, Snape, although you could do the tortured vampire
bit...."

"The Metatron is an angel not a vampire.."supplied Draco.

"You've seen Dogma too, Malfoy?"

"Don't let Alan hear you say that...I'm sure he'll be pleased on
being called a vampire..."

The whole class went silent and stared at Severus,"Who's Alan,
Professor?"Harry ventured.

"Not that's it's any of your business,Potter, but he's one of my
brothers, the oldest one in fact.He taught here when I was at school
and I'll have to put up with him soon.Him and the other two..."

Sirius stared at Severus for a bit, the cogs in his head working
furiously,finally bursting out with,"WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN THAT
DADA TEACHER WE HAD IN FIFTH WAS RELATED TO YOU?He was so nice
too.What was his name? Ah yes Professor......"Sirius broke off, as
Severus had placed his hand over Sirius' mouth.Sirius fought him
off,"Get off me, you greasy git, wait a minute...I'm not surprised he
changed his name being related to you.."

"How many brothers do you have,Professor?" Draco asked.

"What is going on here? interupted a voice from the doorway.Severus
and Sirius turned to see Professor Remus Lupin standing in the
doorway."I could hear you from the DADA classroom."

"He started it!"

"No he did."

"Do come in Remus, Snape is testing out a new potion and he wants to
know if you'll try it for him."Sirius said, smiling and holding out
the vial of potion to Remus.

Remus regarded the potion in his hand,"What's it do?"he asked,
nervously.

"Oh nothing much just shows your dreams.."

"Who's tried it so far then, Severus?"

"Well,Potter, Weasley, Draco,Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, Black and
myself and no one have come to any harm.."Severus replied, he was
interupted by another owl, who dropped a red envelope on his
head."Shit, another howler, if that damn cat...."Severus growled,
remembering the last howler that was sent to him.(A/N: In case you're
wondering where Max had gone.)

"Max? He's off tormenting Peeves...."Remus replied,"Well open it..."

Severus' hands shook as he opened the envelope, A voice that sounded,
very much like Severus yelled,"SEVERUS SALAZAR SNAPE, HOW DARE YOU
IGNORE OUR LETTERS? WE HAD SENT YOU FIFTEEN LETTERS SO YOU CAN'T SAY
YOU DIDN'T GET THEM, ANYWAY, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT EVEN IF YOU
IGNORE THEM, WE'RE COMING ANYWAY,YOUR DARLING BROTHERS ARE GOING TO
TELL YOU WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. ALAN SAYS IF YOU DON'T
SEND A REPLY, HE WILL TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR ROBES
AND SHAUN WILL DYE YOUR HAIR THE SAME COLOUR IT WAS WHEN YOU WERE
FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.I WILL, ON THE OTHER HAND, SHOW EVERYONE BABY
PHOTOS OF YOU, AND SAY ISN'T HE CUTE? YOU KNOW I WILL TOO,
SEVVIEPOOS!" The howler burst into flames and disintergrated. Severus
had gone pale.'How did he know about that? He better not..'

"So Snape, who was that?" Sirius asked.

"That was Steven,Black, surely you remember him?"

"Of course I do. You remember Steven and Shaun, don't you Remus?"

"Definatly...The trouble they caused.I remember one time...."

"Lupin, are you going to take the damn potion or are you going to
stand there talking?"Snape growled, glaring at Remus."Unless of
course, you dream so much about your girlfriend..."

"I'll take it.."Remus muttered."Stop glaring at me...How did you..."

"You have a girlfriend Remus, and you didn't tell me?" Sirius
whined.."I'm your best friend.."

"Let's say a little snake told me..."

"WHAT?! That's it she's getting a serious talking to.."

"That's not all you do according to her.."

"Shut up Severus." Remus sighed and drank the potion in one."Urgh!
That tastes like old socks..."