phoenix ashes
the proper thing to do



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Several interesting things happened today.

The first interesting thing was that Professor Glock called me into her office and (strongly) suggested that I reconsider dropping out of my Muggle Studies NEWT prep. I told her if I go into anything other than music, itd be medicine, since Im so good in herbology and potions. She said I was wasting my "people skills." I said that music WAS "people skills" and she just shook her head and smiled at me. I guess Ill think about it more.

The 2nd interesting thing that happened was that I discovered a Sneek-E-Peek hidden in my room. Upon searching my room further, I found TWO MORE Sneek-E-Peeks, all set up for optimum veiwing of ME. I confronted James & Co. about it, but they all denied knowing anything about it. (Sirius asked if he could watch it though. Cheeky Boy.) Yeah RIGHT boys, like Im going to fall for that.

Thats about it for today I guess. Oh yeah one other THING.

I kissed Severus Snape.

I hear Mirella on the stairs! More Later!


All right then, everyones gone, so I can tell you how IT happened. Remember how I asked him if he wanted to study together for our Potions NEWTS? Well I said Id meet him by the lake and we could gather gillyweed together, cause it takes one to gather and one to watch the lake for the squid and other assorted nasties.

Actually I was surprised that he showed up at all. I expected him to think I was setting him up for some sort of torture at the hands of James & Co. Honestly, sometimes I dont know what James problem is. At last Lily seems to turning him into some semblance of a worthwhile person.

But anyway he DID show up. All black and droopy as always. He offered to be the one to go into the water, but I said Id go so he wouldnt have to get his robes wet. So things were normal and going along fine until a hinkypunk grabbed my ankle and tried to pull me under water. (Im sad to report that I TOTALLY panicked. So much for my DADA NEWT huh?) The gang wouldnt have believed he would do it, but Severus ran straight into the lake after me. He took care of the hinkypunk right off. I couldnt believe Id let my guard down that much. I was shaking all over and my ankle was twisted. He gave the hinkypunk another blast and scooped me right up and carried me out of the lake. (You can bet your arse that JAMES wouldnt carry Lily out of a lake. Well okay, he MIGHT, but only if it involved sweeping in on a broom and looking dashing.)

It was embarrassing how I hung onto Severus and cried. Or rather it SHOULD have been embarrassing, I HATE crying in front of people, but it wasnt. He was very sweet and waited until I stopped shaking (even gave me a handkerchief).

When I calmed down he fixed my ankle. I said I didnt know he knew healing spells since hes only in potions and not my herbology class and muttered that he knew quite a few healing spells. When I pressed him about it, he got suddenly got angry and snapped that I would know extra healing spells if I got pushed down stairs as often as he did.

"Im sorry. I didnt know it was that bad." I said. ( I SHOULD have known though.)
"Its not your fault. You and Lily have always been kind to me." He said and added bitterly "Sometimes that almost makes it WORSE."
"Makes what worse?" I asked (guessing his answer).
"Seeing you with THEM. With HIM."
"James Him or Sirius Him?" I asked, but he turned away and didnt answer my question. When he spoke, it was very soft.
"I just dont see how someone as nice and sensible as Lily or as pure as you could be with."
"Im far from pure Sev" I said, interrupting him.
"No, youre NOT." He insisted. I reached out a hand and turned him back to face where I was still sitting where hed set me down. His voice was rough, like the bark of the tree I was leaning against.
"Youre brilliant and beautiful and kind and I" he stopped, made a half-choking noise and looked away.

Again I turned him back to face me. "What?" I asked, keeping a hand under his chin and staring into those deep black eyes of his. Wells of teary darkness they were.
"Nothing." He said getting up and swinging the sack of gillyweed onto his shoulder. "We should get back." He started to walk away.
"Severus wait!" I called out rising and hurrying to catch up.

Now I dont know if my ankle just wasnt completely healed or if I caught my foot on a root or WHAT, but I tripped and he stepped forward and caught me. For a minute all I was aware of was being pressed against a warm chest and having damp robes tangled about me. Then I noticed that we were breathing in unison. Fast and gaspy. I looked up at his face which brought us nose to nose.

"Thats the second time Ive ended up in your arms today," I said trying to make light of things. I put on a teasing smile, but inside my stomach was doing strange fluttery things. Things that were halfway marvelous and halfway that feeling right when you realize youve had one too many butterbeers and theyre about to exit your body.

Anyway, there I was, his arms holding me up. Chest to chest. Nose to nose.
So I kissed him.
It seemed like the proper thing to do at the time.


If ya just bloody well wanna complain...